No More Dancing

One of the things we often discover along the journey of BEcoming is just how many areas of our lives need healthier boundaries.

But where do we start?

For me, the starting point was recognizing the places where I had been dancing for acceptance—and didn’t even realize I was doing it.

It showed up in shrinking.

It showed up in allowing people access to me who had no real intention of doing anything other than benefiting from me, my gifts, or my talents when it served them.

It showed up in allowing people to speak down to me. In allowing others to guilt me into adjusting my rates, my offerings, or my boundaries to meet what they labeled as a “need,” when what I was really witnessing was their unwillingness to adjust, grow, or make the necessary investment to become who God had called them to be.

And if I’m honest, this was hard for me.

Because I love—love, LOVE—living in my purpose. I love helping women discover their God-given purpose. I love helping them create strategies to move from where they are to where God is calling them to be.

So sometimes, I confused being available with being accessible.

I confused helping with rescuing.

And I confused being a blessing with allowing myself to be depleted.

It took me years to understand my worth and the worth of what I offer through my services. It took time to embrace the fact that no one gets to label me, define me, or weigh in on my value when God has already spoken on that matter.

His Word settles all things.

And when God has given you something—wisdom, experience, knowledge, creativity, anointing, skill, vision, strategy—you have to stop apologizing for the value attached to what He has entrusted to you.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a client I coach through my Business Blueprint program. We were talking about her eventually stepping into a role where she could take what she has learned, develop a rhythm for her unique business, and, in time, teach others what she has learned along the way.

She said, “Yes, they need to pay for my time.”

And I immediately responded, “No. They are not paying for your time. That’s not the only investment. If that’s all you see, you’ve missed the purpose.”

Because it’s not just about your time.

It’s about everything you acquired on the journey.

It’s the wisdom, knowledge, experience, mistakes, lessons, strategies, tears, sacrifices, and victories that have shaped what you now have to offer.

It’s about making an investment in yourself that says, This God-given dream is worth investing in.

It says, I am willing to receive knowledge and wisdom from someone who earned it through their own journey.

And, yes, sometimes that journey included tears, life lessons, sleepless nights, and—like me—student loans. 😂

But there is value in what you have learned.

There is value in what you have survived.

There is value in what you have studied.

There is value in what you have built.

And there is value in what you now have the ability to teach someone else.

Recognizing your value isn't about thinking you're better than anyone else.

It’s about finally understanding that you are not less than anyone else either.

And this applies far beyond business.

It applies to friendships. Marriage. Family. Partnerships. Professional relationships. Leadership. Ministry. Every relationship where access to you is involved.

Think about a plumber.

Most of us wouldn't expect a plumber to come into our home, diagnose the problem, use their tools, apply years of knowledge and experience, fix the issue, and then say, “Oh, don't worry about paying me.”

Why?

Because we understand that we aren't simply paying for the time they spent in our home.

We are investing in the knowledge and expertise that allows them to solve a problem we could not solve ourselves.

So I have a question for you:

Do you recognize the value of the plumber but struggle to recognize your own?

Are you still dancing for acceptance?

Are you shrinking so someone else can be comfortable?

Are you lowering your standards, your rates, your boundaries, your expectations, or even your voice because you're afraid that standing firmly in your value will cause someone to walk away?

Then maybe it’s time for the dance to end.

No more dancing.

Not because you don't care.

Not because you don't want to help.

Not because you think you're better than anyone else.

But because you finally understand that BEcoming requires you to stop negotiating with the version of yourself that God has already called you to become.

You don't have to dance for acceptance.

You don't have to perform for belonging.

You don't have to shrink to be loved.

And you certainly don't have to convince people of your value.

Walk in it.

This week, I challenge you to do three things:

STRATEGY

Sit with yourself and God and honestly examine where you may be shrinking, settling, or overextending yourself.

Ask:

• Where am I dancing for acceptance?

• Where have I allowed someone else's opinion to make me question what God has already spoken?

• Where do I need to establish a healthier boundary?

CONNECTIONS

Connect with at least one person in the field, industry, or area where you desire to excel.

Maybe it's subscribing to their newsletter, following them on social media, sending a DM, making a phone call, enrolling in a course, attending an event, or simply making the intentional decision to learn from someone who is further along the journey.

Don't just admire from a distance.

Position yourself to learn, grow, and become.

WORDS

And spend this next week speaking these declarations over yourself:

I do not have to shrink to be accepted.

I do not have to dance for someone's approval.

I recognize the value of what God has placed inside of me.

I will honor my gifts, my time, my wisdom, and my experience.

I will no longer negotiate my God-given value.

I am worthy of healthy relationships, healthy boundaries, and healthy exchanges.

I am becoming—and I will no longer apologize for who God is calling me to be.

No more dancing.

It’s time to BE.