He Heard Every Word

I've loved writing since I was a young girl. More than writing, I love inspiring others.

Today, I am grateful that @hallmarkmahogany gave me the opportunity to do both.

Check out my article at:

https://mahogany.com/he-heard-every-word/?mc_cid=c8205a2a01&mc_eid=cad6832325

Full article below:

There he stood calling out the airman's creed. He was everything that I had prayed for and everything that I had dreamed. He had heard every word.

One day In Kindergarten his teacher had decided that she would embarrass him. She was tired of him purposefully walking to the back of the reading circle every time that she announced that it was time to read.

She admitted that she knew he was from a good home, as she had taught his sister Ciera a few years prior. Enraged somewhat, she took it upon herself to teach him a lesson. She figured she could do so, as she knew me and understood that I held my children accountable for their actions, even in Kindergarten.

So Mrs. S read the story. Determined in the end to call on him and for the last time end this thing. So, the story ended, and she asked, “Christopher, who is the main character in this story?” With his back still turned to her, without hesitation he told her the main character, the supporting characters, their roles and purpose in the story.  As well, he told her the overall moral of the story and what they could all learn from it.  

There Mrs. S sat with her eyes full of tears and shame in her soul as she had set out to embarrass Christopher, but instead sat ashamed of her own actions.

Now I sit in this stadium on this cold November morning at 5:45 a.m. with the memory of Mrs. S's confession. Her discovery led her to give me this advice.. “Never fight the battle of receiving eye contact from him.” She went on to advise that I should not waste precious time fighting certain battles as a mom, much more as a single mom.  As this, was just not a battle that needed fighting. Mrs. S advised me that she carried enough shame for the both of us.

As she apologized for the umpteenth time, I walked away, praying to remember her words as I  allowed the truth of the moment to sink in. I let out a sigh of pride in him, while also fearfully hoping that I would get it [motherhood] right.   

I sit now in this moment as I gaze out at my son amongst the other 755 airmen graduating today.  I now replay in my mind all the senseless arguments I had with him over the years.  Not to mention all of the battles in my own mind as I wondered if I would ever be good enough.  “I cannot teach you to be a man I would exclaim.  I am sorry.  I can only tell you what a woman considers a good man to be, and I can give you Jesus."  Yet, the fear continued its loom, year after year of speaking to his back (or what felt like his back), I wondered if he heard me.    

It was never my intention to be a single mom.  Honestly, it was one of my deepest fears.  I watched my teenage friends do it in high school and I remembered thinking to myself, I am not cut out to do it (motherhood) on my own.  Yet I found myself divorced, starting over and praying to God that I did not scare my children forever.

Yet somehow.. some way the words got through.  He had heard me all along.  I knew it to be true as just three weeks prior, my phone rang.  There his face and name were on my ID caller.  I answered with excitement, as I had waited weeks to hear my son’s voice. 

He spoke and I discovered that he was no longer a young boy, from a broken home full of his own fears (and some that I unintentionally imparted).  I was now talking to a grown man; an airman.  My airman. 

There is no particular thing that I can pinpoint.  No specific change in his voice that I could tell you to listen for.  But what I can tell you is that as a single mom, you are enough. 

Keep praying and keep believing.  Speak to him [your son] as though he has heard you, even when his actions might seem to tell you otherwise.  Speak life to him and over him.  Your words will one day stand before you.

Today, mine stands before me with the heart of David, the strength of Sampson and the wisdom of Solomon (my prayer for him since he was a boy).  Everything that I thought that I failed to give him, prayer answered. 

To every single mother who is wondering if your son is listening.  Know that he has heard every word.  Know that your prayers are stronger than anything that could oppose the words that you have spoken over him.  Know that love, the dependable sure love of a mother will give him the strength that he needs as he navigates the waters of manhood.